it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
