i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
