I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
