I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
