I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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