My underwear smells like fireworks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
