Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
