Dual....:-)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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