My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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