Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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