Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
