I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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