I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
