i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize