sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize