We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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