I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
