there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
