i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
