How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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