Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
