he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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