Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
