I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
