I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
