i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
