I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
