I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
