dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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