I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
