I accidentally had phone sex last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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