I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
