Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
