i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
