you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
