Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
