After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize