Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will be naked everywhere
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
