cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
