just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
