Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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