He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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