I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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