Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
