Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
