sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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