ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your penis caused this!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
