i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
