You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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