my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
