Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
