The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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