she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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