ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
