Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
