like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
