i think i have herpe
just one?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
