I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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