I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
