i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
