i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
