my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
