You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
