So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize