69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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