I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
