I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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