M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
