i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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