I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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