a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
