You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
