my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
