I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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