Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
