A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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