I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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