My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
