Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
